Parenting & Running a Business | Virtual Assistant for Photographers
When I first thinking about becoming a parent, one of my first questions was - how does this fit with running a business? I have ALWAYS wanted to run my own business, since before I can remember.. And once I realized I was ready to become a mother, I took my time deciding how I could make it work.
While I didn’t know much about parenting & running a business, I knew enough to know there was a lot I didn’t know. It seemed like a big learning curve (it was) and not something I wanted to be flippant about.
When I was in the phase of figuring out how to make it work, I really appreciated other women talking about their experiences of becoming a parent while running a business. And now I’m more established as both a business owner & parent (expecting the second baby any day now) - I want to put some thoughts on the table too.
some things I wish I would have known about balancing parenting & running a business…
the learning curve
There is such a learning curve to becoming a parent. There are the normal everyday things, like changing diapers and how you want to handle sleep schedules. Sure. But on a larger scale, it was a learning curve to adapt my whole world to expand enough to fit another human being. I didn’t become a parent until I was almost 30, and I was independent AF before that point. My normals were well established.
While I didn’t lose my identity when I became a mom, I definitely had to make some logistical space.
I found that when I wasn’t being intentional and aware, either parenting or business management (or both) would sneak in and take over all other areas of my life. It took a hot second to even realize this was happening, and I often felt confused & a little overwhelmed as I got knee deep into the world of managing it all. My learning curve revolved mainly on learning how to manage the categories of my life together as a cohesive unit.
And speaking of, let’s talk about a hot parenting word:
Balance
Some people will say there is no such thing as balance when you’re parenting & running a business. And I get that sentiment, because it definitely doesn’t feel like it did before. But if I’m really honest…that idea really depresses the shit outta me. It makes me feel like I will constantly be in evaluating, deciding, and dropping the ball. I am not here for it.
I want to feel in charge of my life, intentional with my energy, and directive in my choices. That can co-exist within parenting & entreprenuership.
The idea of Balance looks very different when your world expands and changes. Before I had a kid, I could easily balance things out almost subconsciously; take an afternoon off, schedule a trip, go out with friends etc. If I had a tough day, I could get home and unwind with a glass of wine & my fav Netflix show in peace.
And now? That time has to be more intentionally set & boundaried. But it’s not impossible.
I like to think of my capacity as a circle. The circle is your time, resources, energy levels etc. In general, this stays about the same. And it’s something you experience whether you have children or not.
(We are NOT about the “oh just wait until you have kids” mentality here lol)
Inside the circle are “categories” of things that make up your life: running a business, relationships, self-care, hobbies, health etc.
When you add parenting to the circle, everything else has to shift around that. It’s a very demanding category, no way around it.
And personally, I have found that, unless I am practicing good boundaries within my own sphere, parenting and/or running a business can easily push everything else to the outskirts.
It’s my goal to be a boundaried parent & business owner, so I do not lose my sense of self within my capacity.
Identity
Speaking of sense of self.
We all know how easy it is to lose yourself when becoming a parent. Especially for moms. I went into the birth of our first kid, very aware of not losing myself. I was careful to set aside time for myself from day one and all through postpartum. I went to therapy, took showers, did not neglect my health and made sure I still existed in my world.
The one thing that I didn’t predict, was how easy it would be to prioritize the function of parenting over myself as a human. As things got busier (aka our baby turned into a toddler and my business took off) - I got really fucking burnt out.
While I didn’t “lose my identity”, I truly started prioritizing all the other things over the space that made me feel human. It took me a while to realize that even the little self-care I was practicing was typically just in service of having more capacity to serve my business & my family.
I had to take a big freaking step back and reassess how to hold space for myself, simply because I am a human who deserves to have space. And that meant intentional thought about my boundaries. It meant asking for help. It meant letting change happen.
In a nutshell…parenting and running a business is doable, but it takes intention & experience.
If I had to give any advice to someone wanting to run a business and become a parent - I would say this:
get in therapy (it will be the best tool you give yourself)
be strategic about your schedule & time management…if this doesn’t come naturally, learn the skill. It’s your best friend.
evaluate your priorities and be okay with some things temporarily taking a back seat (for me this was my social life)
STICK TO YOUR BOUNDARIES with your business. If you have office hours, don’t run around trying to squeeze them into other places. Be intentional, and then hold that space. YOU are in charge of that, no one else is going to do it for you.
Be willing to reevaluate often; your child will grow, and the needs of each category in your capacity shifts. I like to do a monthly audit to check-in with myself. Helps me stay present & aware (both important tools while parenting and running a business).
and remember: you CAN do have a successful, thriving business and be a parent. You will find what works for you.
embrace the learning curve.
and lastly (maybe most importantly!) ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SUPPORTED; outsource pieces of your business…get a grocery delivery subscription…use Amazon prime…hire a sitter…you have nothing to prove. Be okay with making things as easy as possible on yourself. Juggling all of these responsibilities IS hard work.
There is more I could say on this, but it’s such a personalized experience that what worked for me might not work for you. But I do want you to feel empowered to bring a child into your life, if it’s what you want. My business has only thrived more since I became a parent, and the skills parenting has given me only served my business. You can have both. And you can have balance.
You just have to be willing to go through the learning curve to get there. But every. single. new. job. requires a learning curve. So this is really no different. You’ve got this.
